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Welcome one and all to the Last Door on the Left – a travel agency for the adventurous soul. Have you always wanted to see the world beyond the wardrobe? Longed to wait for the train at 9 ¾? Pined for tickets to hear Plava Laguna sing at Phloston Paradise? Look no further.

Guide to the Universe

Sleepy salutations to you all, my fearless friends, on this very fine day. We here at the Last Door on the Left hope the sun rises in the east and finds you comfortably ensconced in whatever slumber setup you have made for yourself. In fact, we hope you are VERY well rested, indeed, as we’re closing the door on our Freaky Fall theme with one last, very special, event. At the request of a favoured patron, we find ourselves setting the scene in Springwood, Ohio, 1984, for an exclusive walking – and hopefully waking – tour of Elm Street.

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One, Two, Freddy’s Coming For You …

A trifle ghoulish it may be – though, to be fair, that *is* the effect we’re aiming for – we’ll start our tour where everything began: in the maze-like boiler room of Springwood’s chemical plant. It’s a good idea to get at least passingly familiar with the layout, as the landscape features heavily in the nightmare world that lies in wait for anyone with the misfortune to require any rest. Rife with endless catwalks and steaming pipes, the dank and dingy, seemingly subterranean setting is a picture-perfect playground for the stand-out psycho-killer. The echo-chamber effect is especially chilling for evil laughter, and the conveniently located (if inexplicable) draperies make for dramatic shredding sounds as they fall victim to finger blades and foreshadowing.

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Packing Pro-Tip #1: A manicure kit. If you DO have the misfortune to fall asleep on Elm Street, there’s a pretty strong likelihood that you’re going to dream. You may even cogitate on a dripping boiler room, a dirty red and green sweater, or a man with *really* long fingernails. Nightmares on this particular boulevard have a way of sticking with you, so going in armed with a way to declaw that peculiar animal – literally OR figuratively – is always a good idea.

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Three, Four, Better Lock Your Door …

A slightly cheerier and more attractive locale, the next stop on our tour is part of the residential neighbourhood on Elm Street. Tina Gray’s house presents as a typical suburban home; a place where teenagers can congregate – sans parental units – and have an innocent evening of harmless fun (of course, by fun I mean sex. Lots and lots of sex). It certainly doesn’t look like the kind of territory to be terrorized by a figment of the overactive imagination. And yet, the very walls themselves bulge with evil intent.

Savvy Traveller Side Note #1: Avoid dark alleys, especially at night. You would think this particular bit of advice would be a no-brainer, but people do so love their short cuts. We here at the Last Door on the Left pride ourselves on our outstanding safety rating, so we hope you’ll all do your part to help us maintain it.

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Five, Six, Grab a Crucifix …

Third on our list of attractions for the Elm Street excursion is the local high school. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but for sheer adventure and entertainment (adventure-tainment?) this place is a drama gold mine. The angst and hormone levels would be enough on their own, but add to that a solid dose of sleep deprivation-induced hallucinations, grief driven hysteria, and just a soupçons of generalized adolescent anxiety, and BAM! You have a recipe for an exciting visit to an otherwise ordinary trip down a blood-soaked memory lane.

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Savvy Traveller Side Note #2: Be sure to stay awake. It can become difficult to differentiate between the waking world and the dream state on Elm Street, and the consequences of not knowing can be disastrous.

Packing Pro-Tip #2: Caffeine ingestion formula of choice. Be it coffee, energy drinks, high-test tea, or chocolate covered espresso beans, stock up. Elm Street is for the alert!

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Seven, Eight, Gonna Stay Up Late …

Of course, we can’t possible visit Elm Street without stopping by Nancy Thompson’s house. A grand, old, white colonial style house, it’s a beautiful addition to the community. The barred windows are barely noticeable, and don’t significantly detract from the curb appeal. The booby traps on the interior might pose a little bit of a challenge from a staging perspective, but it’s ideal for the American Ninja Warrior enthusiast.

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Savvy Traveller Side Note #3: Lessons in lucid dreaming. Eventually everyone sleeps, so while we recommend being FAR away from Elm Street when you do, a little extra awareness-ammunition in your fantasy bandolier can’t hurt. If you can deprive the demon of the fear he feeds on, perhaps the balance of power can truly shift!?!

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Nine, Ten, Never Sleep Again…

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