Welcome one and all to the Last Door on the Left – a travel agency for the adventurous soul. Have you always wanted to see the world beyond the wardrobe? Longed to wait for the train at 9 ¾? Pined for tickets to hear Plava Laguna sing at Phloston Paradise? Look no further.
Welcome one and all to the Last Door on the Left, a one stop shop for all your space exploration destination information. Today we take to the stars and hopefully hitch a ride on the Eagle 5 Winnebago, cross our fingers for a little Liquid Schwartz in the tank, and aim for the Planet Spaceball.
I know what you’re thinking, “Why Planet Spaceball? Why not beautiful Druidia, or even the desert moon Vega? They at least have their own atmosphere!” But don’t let the incompetent President (or his schemes to replace all the air he has wasted) dissuade you; Spaceball is a diamond in the rough for the tech-savvy traveller.
Admittedly, no one is going to visit Planet Spaceball for it’s lush vistas or greenery (perhaps a spa day on Dagobah, instead?) but for those of us looking for the latest gadget, the newest gear, or the most cutting of cutting edge technology, Planet Spaceball is your dream destination.
Packing Pro-Tip #1: Lots of Perri-Air – until they work out the kinks in Mega Maid (perhaps a beta test of version 2.0? look out, oxygen rich neighbours!) it’s always wise to travel with your own supply of O2.
Ever the vanguard of industry, Spaceball City has much to offer those willing to try something new. Whether it be as simple as video calling on all devices (including every available wall surface) or as complex as teleportation technology (Snotty can beam you up from anywhere, but he’s known to give preferential treatment, FYI), you’ll find it here first.
Savvy traveller side note #1: Planet Spaceball is the mother-lode of new tech, but it is not for the faint of heart or the sweet of soul. Corruption is the name of the game in Spaceball City, so be prepared to name your price and pay your way. And when in doubt, sub in your stunt double! Works every time.
Savvy Traveller Side Note #2: As exciting as it is to be one of the first people to try out the next big thing (those earphones Princess Vespa rocks had to beta tested somewhere!) you can sometimes end up being the human bug report, if you’re not careful! Pick your product carefully when testing something new on Planet Spaceball.
If you’ve travelled all this way, and are interested in all the new science the planet has to offer, no trip would be complete without a jaunt to Spaceball One. Outfitted with the best that Spaceball City could proffer, Spaceball One is a testament to the innovative technological minds of Planet Spaceball. There’s a certain grace to the flow of design aboard the starship – a form to the function, if you will – from Mr. Coffee to Mr. Radar, that should really be experienced.
And everything should be experienced at Ludicrous speed at least once, am I right? Who doesn’t want to go into plaid?
Packing Pro-Tip #2: a good helmet. If you’re going to experience Ludicrous speed, head protection is very important!
Of course, the most exciting and innovative thing about Spaceball One is her transformative ability to become Mega Maid. Turn on her vacuum and lo! she’s an atmosphere-stealing mecha-machine extraordinaire! Turn her from suck to blow, and she’s something new entirely.
Savvy Traveller Side Note #3: avoid self-destruct buttons. They’re ubiquitous in all things Spaceball, and they never end well for anyone.
Savvy Traveller Side Note #4: keep your passport on you. If you don’t manage to avoid those pesky self destruct buttons, and you do find yourself hurtling through space and/or crash landing on an unplanned planet, you’ll be wanting identification to prove you’re not actually a Spaceball.