The Fury of Firestorm: The Nuclear Men #3
Title: Helix
Co-Plotted by Ethan Van Sciver & Gail Simone
Written by Gail Simone
Artistry by Yildiray Ginar
Reviewed by Steve Seigh
Oh Firestorm, you’re just not my cup of tea. After three issues of this abysmal series I’m completely ready and willing to give up on this childish pissing contest of a book. Even with the introduction of a seemingly formidable enemy this latest issue left me feeling unfulfilled, and ultimately bored out of my mind. The two “heroes” of the book can’t seem to do anything on their own. Who wants to read a book where the majority of the pages are dedicated to useless heroes? When they’re not trading insults to one another both Ronnie and Jason are simply just inexperienced children who can’t seem to lift a finger individually when it really counts. When combining their powers to form the Firestorm both of our heroes spend their time a la Being John Malkovich-style inside the head of the nuclear beast, who ends up doing all the dirty work. It’s just not the way I want to see my heroes spending their time. It’s boring and uneventful.
Oh yeah, then we have Helix. Yet another villain I’ve run into while reading the DC New 52 who seems to be nothing but muscle and patriotic catch phrases. “GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.” “A HERO’S WELCOME. A SOLDIER’S HOMECOMING.” Really? This is what we’ve been waiting three whole issues for? Sorry, but you’re going to have to do a whole hell of a lot better than that to keep me even remotely interested. At the end of three issues I can honestly tell you that I don’t care what happens to anybody inside of this story. Each and every character I’ve come across is a cliched unlikable waste of my time. Would someone please hand me a giant sized bucket of water to put this comic out of it’s misery, please?
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?
Ronnie and Jason don’t get along but they must work together to form the Mega-zord of nuclear fire beasts all while remaining comfy and cozy inside of it’s head while the beast does all the work.
VERDICT
Oh my God, skip this series. I’m so happy to be done with reading this arc. There is nothing here. Move on.
